It is not surprising that the behavior of adolescents would be a study in change, since the brain itself is changing in such striking ways. Scientists emphasize that the fact that the teen brain is in transition doesn't mean it is somehow not up to par. It is different from both a child's and an adult's in ways that may equip youth to make the transition from dependence to independence. The capacity for learning at this age, an expanding social life, and a taste for exploration and limit testing may all, to some extent, be reflections of age-related biology.
Understanding the changes taking place in the brain at this age presents an opportunity to intervene early in mental illnesses that have their onset at this age. Research findings on the brain may also serve to help adults understand the importance of creating an environment in which teens can explore and experiment while helping them avoid behavior that is destructive to themselves and others. – The Teen Brain Still Under Construction
Raising Teens – The Passage to Early Adulthood
Many parents will agree you are never really prepared for all the joys and hurdles parenting brings along the way. Helping Sir J, my 18 year old pass along the journey of life and move into early adulthood means patience, empathy, and staying creative.
Everyday I look at my son and think who is this person? No, this is not a case of amnesia or mommy brain. It's the sobering reality I am living daily. Watching a young man come of age right before my eyes. I wasn't ready!
This whole experience has definately made me a better parent and human being. Learning to appreciate an individuals uniqueness is a great way to show we love them. As a parent of Sir J, I get to practice appreciation for my teen constantly. As he transitions to an adult his understanding of life and preferred direction becomes more apparent.
Special abilities that he's gained as a result of leadership opportunities and being spiritually aware have really helped him along. I feel he's better anchored to not go to far down a path he could possibly never recover from. Studies show teens brains have very specific attributes.
Ok, a bit of science for you, maybe you'll appreciate this exerpt from a recent study. The below comments discuss the contrast between the Adolescent and Adult Brain. FREE downloadable copies of the booklet The Teen Brain – Underconstruction are available at The National Institute of Mental Health Infocenter.
It is very important to me for the lines of communication to remain open and find ways of connecting with him even when things are ackward. Teens need a reliable adult in their life. If they are blessed with one it could be a lifeline.
I'm constantly aware that I have to adjust my preferences and empower him to assert his own. Easy? No!!
These days we talk a lot about him finding an afterschool job, next steps after college, how to trea a lady and being accountable for actions.
Having our teen progress to the point of having a regular part-time job is a way to help him become self-sufficient. Baby steps are needed here of course, this is an ongoing project. Naturally he is still settling into the idea of beginning to contribute. Covering the cost of his own haircut and paying for special outings or treats will be a big help in managing the family budget.
As a pre-adult I'm aware of the need to provide more emotional support versus developmental. My son clearly expresses his needs, most days. My new role as parent is transitioning to more of a life tour guide or consultant. Some days I still do give reminders of the basics, but not nearly as much as in the past.
As the months and days push forward to graduation next June 2016 we anticipate even more growth. It's been a long road but we are are well on our way.
What's something your parents did to help you transition into early adulthood? If your teen has past this stage how have you adjusted?
Jenelle
Hey Jenelle — you know, I think you've nailed it re: life tour guide. At this age, I found it's parenting by invitation, not by decree like it used to be! Here are three things that have helped us:
– When my 19yo asks if he can tag along on anything, I know he wants to talk and ask questions. So I try to listen and carefully "respond" not react, since the story tends to come out in dribs and drabs. I learned early on not to respond too soon or he'd clam up before I got to the punch line.
– I cover 100% of insurance (health of auto), medications, no questions asked. I provide a small budget that covers food and rent. He covers everything else — gas, what he wants but doesn't necessarily need, like new clothes and nights out. What I provide is certainly not enough, so he's getting a sense of budgeting.
– I've learned not to bring up 20 irritating questions about his life plan when we get together. Jeesh, even I was getting tired of hanging out with me! 🙂 Back to point #1 above…
xo Lisa
I’m taking notes!! Â Thanks for stopping by Lisa. – Jenelle
I worried do much about all sorts of things when I had teens living at home, but once at college, all that dissipated. Of course I still worried, but it was much much much less. Bottom line is that I trust my kids and that makes a huge difference!
Hey Heidi! Good point, trusting we did our best helps right. Your amazing, enjoy the weekend!